I still cannot say it even though my oncologist says I am. “Cancer free.” I just can’t do it…maybe sometime, 2 years from now. I feel cancer free and I look cancer free. I am just not willing to deal with disappointment again because I already have…albeit, not a huge disappointment. Just for once, I would love to have a pap come back with “normal” attached to it.
I had my first pap since all this went down and it came back with “atypical squamous cells”. I guess what that means is that the radiation has zapped the area of concern so much that there was probably little chance of a “normal” test result. I also have a CT scan (with contrast) in 2 weeks to give us a closer look and a baseline, post-cancer treatment picture of what’s going on. My doctor has reassured us that since the pap was done only weeks after radiation, that some 60-70% of test results come back showing this atypical phenomena. I can understand that since I am having more side effects of radiation (hot flashes, no hair growth, muscle tightness, stenosis) now that it’s over than when it was going on.
It’s wild…I am a Spanish teacher; I teach kids how to conjugate X verb into Y tense, etc. But now, I have become a minor expert on my kind of cancer (and others from reading blogs and endless hours freaking myself out on the internet). I hope the next big change in our lives is much less medical in nature and much more fun!
